73 views 0 comments

Review: Drawn to Death for PS4

by on April 5, 2017
 

WARNING: This review contains some fucking language that some readers may find offensive.

Last night I had the displeasure of downloading and playing the latest title from God of War and Twisted Metal Black director, David Jaffe. Drawn to Death is a third-person “arena” shooter that fails in almost every single category, with the exception of artistic design. The concept of the game is you’re playing the doodles within the notebook of a high school student. That’s about it. While the idea and the actual game “art” is creative, the praise stop there.

This game is a clusterfuck of ideas. Between the oddball intro of a real life classroom to the overly obnoxious announcer that doesn’t shut up during the game, it seems that every decision made in this game was made by a hamster with half a brain. For some fucking reason Jaffe or his team, decided to make you click the X button and hold it down to accept every single menu or response, except in one location. Some can be short, some can long as hell, there is no consistency whatsoever. I’m just baffled as to why this decision was made. I’ve seen this method before on games like No Man’s Sky, but it’s usually because the game is made for both PC and consoles and it makes porting the title easier. However, this game is NOT on the PC, so I have no idea why they chose to implement that selection method. What makes matters worse, is that the introduction requires you to hit and hold the X button on like 20 screens (like 15 mins) worth exposition. Sure, you may think, well that’s the training they have to get out of the way. NOPE. There is a separate, longer and even more annoying training option, which I skipped over first, just so I could get into the game quickier. The game actually insults you for skipping it, because you know, that’s cool and “edgy” like Jaffe [/s].

The next 15-20 mins involves getting the lowdown on the game, like its guns, skins, characters, etc., they literally have to tell you how to find and apply skins, because apparently the big button below your character that says skins must not be readable by most numbnuts. Once you finally pick your character, their weapons and specials you “tap” the square button, the only button that you have to just tap once, again, no fucking consistency. You’re stuck finding out that this “arena” shooter is you and one other person on a team, yeah, it’s a 2 vs 2 game. Speaking of finding a game, when you tap square to ready up, go make some tea and crumpets, because you’re going to be waiting a while. You might as well go next door and offer to walk the neighbor’s dog, if they don’t have a dog, ask what pet they do have and insist on walking it. Just say look ma’am I’ll level with you, I have a piece of shit game and it takes forever to load, so I just need to kill some time, work with me here. She might even give you a piece of cheese. But I digress, the point is, the matchmaking is dog shit and takes FOREVER. If the game can’t find enough people, it just drops you into a game called “Brawl” which is Jaffe-nese for 1 vs 1, because nobody is playing this turd.

If you thought the game couldn’t get worse, saddle up Tonto, it’s about to get rough. I feel like this game was some wet dream Jaffe had shoved deep in his cerebellum from like 1993. The game is filled with terrible punk rock music, there are even parts, where there is no vocals, it’s just a repeating bar of music that will make you pull your headphones (assuming you wear them) off with rage just to stop hearing it. It’s terrible. But it still gets worse. Remember games of Unreal or Quake that had an announcer with a cool deep voice, he only spoke to announce things like the countdown, times up, and kills. Yeah Jaffe took that concept and chewed it, swallowed it, threw up, ate it again and then shit it out and served it up for you gamers. The announcer in the game talks to you like dialogue from a bad 90’s flick, saying things like “You better fucking be ready, I hope your mother doesn’t know you play this shit, but she doesn’t fucking care, does she.” While that is paraphrasing, the gist and language are on point. Imagine the voice of a guy, who used to be into punk rock, back in the 70’s, who still wears Misfits shirts and dyes his hair and has a chain on his belt to wallet. He’s pushing 64 and thinks he’s still cool with a bad rock god voice. While this wouldn’t be as bad, if the voiceovers were done as seldom as the voice over in Unreal, however, this guy doesn’t shut up, it’s the whole damn match. It only took about 4 matches before I heard the same shit twice and I’m like wow, this game is this fucking shallow.

Look, I could spend more time trashing this game but I think it’s pretty clear I was not impressed and to be honest, I couldn’t delete it off my PS4 fast enough. Thank god it was free, had I paid money for this shit, David Jaffe would have a letter in his mailbox demanding a refund. It’s just bad, from level designs, oh, I’m sorry, I meant tiny perfect squares with fucking walls randomly placed in them, to just shitty weapons and terrible game modes. This is game is a skip, in fact, pretend it’s like Bloody Mary when you were a kid, don’t say its name three times or you’ll forced to listen to the fucking soundtrack for ever.

Oh, one last thing, if you were tired of me dropping f-bombs and shits everywhere, good, I did that on purpose. Because if you think that got old fast by just reading it, wait till you play this game, which again, you shouldn’t, but if you do, just expect to eye roll after the 40th f-bomb, because you know Jaffe is edgy and so is this game…. but not really.

DON’T BUY OR DOWNLOAD THIS GAME.